It's a Girl!

About 2 weeks ago, at 10pm on Wednesday night, we received a phone call from our adoption agency. The birth mom who was delivering a boy the next day had chosen another family, but we were matched with another birthmom and her baby girl--also scheduled for induction the next day.

At 7am the next day, to be exact. Could we arrive at 9? ...Because the birthmom's previous children had come after only 3 hours of labor, and she wanted to meet us before the birth (yes, while laboring). The agency rep quickly went through the family medical and social histories, all pretty typical for Americans.

The only problems, as you know, were that we couldn't sleep on it, and we didn't have any girl names.

So of course we said yes. And then proceeded to stay up another hour looking through Ben's newborn clothes for anything NOT blue, and packing a quick hospital bag.

A little while later, another agency rep emailed us documents that explained how things would work at the hospital. The birthmom and us would each have our own case workers to help us through the next few days. We would spend a few hours in her room before and after the birth, but give her plenty of time alone too. She invited me to attend the delivery, giving me a chance to see and hold the baby immediately. I would even cut the cord. But Ben wouldn't be able to come until 24 hours after the birth, when the birthmom signed papers transferring all her parental rights. This would be placement, when we would become our daughter's parents.

And that's basically what happened. We showed up with flowers and met her almost right away. She was kind, funny, and ran track just like us. She said that when she saw our profile, she thought we were perfect and cried for a long time over it with her bestfriend. It was a relief to know that she liked us as much as we liked her.

We left for a very long lunch, since the OB stopped our birthmom's induction in the middle to go attend an emergency elsewhere. After lunch, we waited at her side while she napped a bit, and then everything happened so fast! The nurses rushed in, Ella slid out, and I cut the cord. I felt like the doc couldn't get out of there soon enough, and that he forgot he was dealing with people. But the birthmom got to hold Ella right away and gave her to me after just a minute. The nurses quickly whisked Ella away to the nursery for FOR-EV-ER (no one can come with!). All this made me appreciate birth with a midwife all the more.

Even with the delay, Ella's birth happened faster than we were able to come up with a name. We knew Katherine would be her middle name, as the women in my family back to my great-great-great grandmother have that middle name. We did have a list for first names, and Rachel and Adela were at the top. I loved Rebekah/Rebecca, with Becca for short, but we thought that might sound like stuttering, since middle and last names had the hard "k" sound.

Anyway, we didn't stay for too long after the nurses took Ella away. It was very, very sad for the birthmom. She must have been exhausted--no food or drink all day through an extended labor. I can only imagine the emotions she was going through after all that hard work and with her pregnancy and birth hormones in full swing.

We ended up going home for the night, leaving Ella in the nursery (ugh). When we came back the next morning, we got to meet the birthmom's 2 year old daughter and her best friend too. It was so fun. And at times it was so sad. So we tried to give them a lot of space. The birthmom gave us a lot of time on our own with Ella too, even before signing.

Soon we found ourselves reading and signing paperwork for 30 minutes with our caseworker and a notary, while the birthmom was in another room doing the same. We were basically agreeing to love Ella as 100% ours, to pay for her medical expenses, and to follow up with an attorney on the legal risks involved in adoption. The birthmom was signing over her parental rights to us. When it was done, Ella was ours, and we were hers! This made us ferl pressure to nail things down, and we named her Elsa.

Our case worker left us for 5 minutes, and since Ella (then Elsa) was now ours, I snuck in a quick nursing session. She did great, even after bottles and pacifiers for the first hours of life! We were explicitly told not to mention breastfeeding to the birthmom, since birthmoms often find the thought too painful, so it was our only chance to start the nursing relationship until we all got home as a family.

Next we went to the birthmom to say thank you and give her a gift to remember Ella by--a necklace with July's birthstone. She was very touched. She wanted to spend some time saying goodbye to Ella that night, before leaving the next day, so our agency asked us to go home and not come back until the morning. That was hard, especially knowing that Ella would be spending the night in the nursery, not getting as much attention as is ideal. But we were so glad to go home to Ben, and even happier that he would get to come back with us on Saturday morning. One last trip to the hospital before we could all go home as a family!

The name Elsa didn't make it back to the hospital the next morning. Instead, Brett, Ben, and I went there with Rachel and now Ella on our list (I had been advocating that name since we got married, but Brett was never sure he liked it). When we arrived, the hospital wouldn't let us into the nursery to see Ella (!!??) and we waited around for a few hours. Finally, we all went in to see the birthmom and get Ella for discharge. Ben was wonderful with Ella--he just loves touching her, comforting her, and explaining to her how the world works.

We asked the birthmom to help pick out Ella's going home outfit and decide her name once and for all. She chose polka-dots and Ella. It was settled.

The goodbye was heartbreaking. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about it. All bitter, no sweet ...at least not until we were on our own.

But before we could go, the nurses set us up with more appointments at the very hospital we were hoping to never see again. Ella had failed her two hearing tests, and was also in the medium risk zone for jaundice. She needed retests for both. We didn't know we would have only two days at home before heading back to a hospital for a week long stay. But thankfully, this time we would be at Primary Children's, and not at Ella's birth hospital, which I give LOW marks for being baby and mommy friendly.

So that's a long summary of our adoption of Ella Katherine into our family. Welcome, little Ella. We love you!