Ethical Questions

We had to find answers to the following questions before feeling comfortable with adoption.

1. Are birth moms coerced into giving up their children for adoption? Adoption agencies have a lot to gain from the adoption process! Some birth moms complain when they don't receive the right counseling, but talking with the Utah licensing office helped us eliminate agencies that may have been taking advantage of birth moms.

2. Since Utah agencies fly birth moms to Utah, often for the last several months of pregnancy, does that provide the wrong motivations to birth moms for adoption? Free rent, food, and medical! Birth moms already have access to food stamps, WIC, Medicaid, etc. without the agency. It sounds like some birth moms may still play the entitlement game, but for the most part, birth moms come here to escape abusive relationships, get off of the streets, or find privacy. The agencies also offer welcome accountability in making wise choices for the growing baby.

3. What about the birth fathers? Do they have a say? Adoptive families have been in the news with horror stories of birth fathers trying to take their children. But that could legitimately be a horror story for the birth father too, especially if the pregnancy/birth/adoption was hidden from him. To sort it all out, Utah law gives responsibility for claiming a child squarely on the father: he knows he did the baby-making deed, so he knows there could be a baby. And his relationship to his offspring is protected by law as long as he registers in his state's putative father registry, which he can do with or without pregnancy confirmation.

Finding these answers was relatively stress free for us. Sorting through the transracial adoption controversy was (is!) another story...