When I called A Guardian Angel last week with a question about our application paperwork, I talked with someone different than before. I gave a brief introduction, and before I asked my question, she asked me if we were interested in African American adoption. Of course we said yes, and she replied, "Oh, you'll be my new best friend!"
Have I mentioned yet that there aren't enough families adopting African American infants?
I explained that we have a wedding in April and that we are still building our adoption fund, but she asked if could start giving us calls soon after our application was in anyway. I know that the agency is eager to offer more prospective adoptive parents to each birth mom. I think they are able to show around 3 profiles but would prefer 5-6.
Honestly, we completed our agency application with our home study questionnaire. The only thing holding us up is that pesky profile... I picked out dozens of photos with only a few more photo folders to go through looking for more.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Black and White
A local white dad of an African American boy recently asked our support group, "I have a question about the remarks that some people make when they first see our son [Sam]. These are people that know us, not total strangers. People sometimes say things like "oh, his name isn't Jamal?" or "will he be playing basketball?" These types of comments strike me as inappropriate because I'm sure these people wouldn't say them if my wife and I were black. What do you say to people who make comments like this?"
What do you think?
Not long ago I admitted to a dear friend that transracial adoption has given me thoughts I previously would have thought racist. Racism is thinking you know something about someone based on their skin color, right? Especially when that something makes you better than him. Maybe my thoughts aren't racist.
So what is it that have I been thinking? About baby names, of course! It took us the good part of 9 months to come up with Benjamin's name. We better get started choosing another if we're to name a child in 4-9 months hence. But we want to choose a "black" name, or at least a name that isn't unusual for someone with black or brown skin. A name that won't draw attention to itself in any group.
Even though fitting in is not always a good thing, transracially adopted blacks can find themselves feeling like they're different from everyone--from whites and blacks--that they don't naturally belong in any group. We just don't want to add to that with something as inconsequential to a personality as a name.
From what I hear, the questions and comments from strangers and friends are frequent and often uncomfortable. Maybe later I'll explain what I think about the following common questions: "Who's his real mom?", or about a two adopted brothers, "Are they real brothers?"
What do you think?
Not long ago I admitted to a dear friend that transracial adoption has given me thoughts I previously would have thought racist. Racism is thinking you know something about someone based on their skin color, right? Especially when that something makes you better than him. Maybe my thoughts aren't racist.
So what is it that have I been thinking? About baby names, of course! It took us the good part of 9 months to come up with Benjamin's name. We better get started choosing another if we're to name a child in 4-9 months hence. But we want to choose a "black" name, or at least a name that isn't unusual for someone with black or brown skin. A name that won't draw attention to itself in any group.
Even though fitting in is not always a good thing, transracially adopted blacks can find themselves feeling like they're different from everyone--from whites and blacks--that they don't naturally belong in any group. We just don't want to add to that with something as inconsequential to a personality as a name.
From what I hear, the questions and comments from strangers and friends are frequent and often uncomfortable. Maybe later I'll explain what I think about the following common questions: "Who's his real mom?", or about a two adopted brothers, "Are they real brothers?"
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Home Visit
First, thank you for your prayers. Our social worker completed our home visit last night, coming over for a bite to eat and staying for 2 hours. As she was leaving, she said she only has to submit her report to her boss, and we're ready to go! But I'll start from the beginning...
After a quick tour of the house, led by our son, she had a few questions for us clarifying our home study questionnaire--about our ethnicity, our finances (can we afford food and clothing?), and why we want to adopt. Prompted by state law, she also asked us if we had considered foster care and adopting from the state. This review was quite simple.
The state requires home studies of prospective adoptive parents to make sure they are prepared for adoption. So our social worker was kind enough to chat with us about adoption and transracial adoption. It was good to learn about her experiences as a parent of biological and transracial children. It was also good to get her advice on creating our profile, talking with birthmoms, and handling turns of events in the adoption process.
I find it interesting and wonderful that God demonstrates his sovereignty through adoption. Those that believe in a god much different than the God I worship--the God who is the I AM, a spirit without a body, one being of three persons, not created but the Creator--stop to marvel at God's control over the placement of children into families. It seems that all praise God for his care in choosing parents for children and children for parents. The matches are beyond circumstance. Too much has to happen to get these families together. So I hear repeatedly from adoptive parents.
The next few days and weeks, I'll be working on the next step: putting together our profile. Even with our social worker's advice and the instruction from our adoption agency, I can't say I'm excited about working on it. I'm not much of a scrap-booker, and choosing the right pictures to show who our family is and then framing them just right will be time consuming. As a bit of a perfectionist, I'll have to take the time to get it perfect.
It's crazy to us that as soon as our profile is ready, we'll be able to adopt. Whoa! The process is so much quicker than I anticipated--for most, a year or two passes before bringing a child home. It usually does not take long for a family to be matched with an African American child--for a birthmom to choose a family or for the agency to find a good match. By choice we'll wait until summer though, as we have my little bro's spring wedding we don't want to miss. That will also add the benefit of a few more months to build up our adoption fund.
After a quick tour of the house, led by our son, she had a few questions for us clarifying our home study questionnaire--about our ethnicity, our finances (can we afford food and clothing?), and why we want to adopt. Prompted by state law, she also asked us if we had considered foster care and adopting from the state. This review was quite simple.
The state requires home studies of prospective adoptive parents to make sure they are prepared for adoption. So our social worker was kind enough to chat with us about adoption and transracial adoption. It was good to learn about her experiences as a parent of biological and transracial children. It was also good to get her advice on creating our profile, talking with birthmoms, and handling turns of events in the adoption process.
I find it interesting and wonderful that God demonstrates his sovereignty through adoption. Those that believe in a god much different than the God I worship--the God who is the I AM, a spirit without a body, one being of three persons, not created but the Creator--stop to marvel at God's control over the placement of children into families. It seems that all praise God for his care in choosing parents for children and children for parents. The matches are beyond circumstance. Too much has to happen to get these families together. So I hear repeatedly from adoptive parents.
The next few days and weeks, I'll be working on the next step: putting together our profile. Even with our social worker's advice and the instruction from our adoption agency, I can't say I'm excited about working on it. I'm not much of a scrap-booker, and choosing the right pictures to show who our family is and then framing them just right will be time consuming. As a bit of a perfectionist, I'll have to take the time to get it perfect.
It's crazy to us that as soon as our profile is ready, we'll be able to adopt. Whoa! The process is so much quicker than I anticipated--for most, a year or two passes before bringing a child home. It usually does not take long for a family to be matched with an African American child--for a birthmom to choose a family or for the agency to find a good match. By choice we'll wait until summer though, as we have my little bro's spring wedding we don't want to miss. That will also add the benefit of a few more months to build up our adoption fund.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Home Visit postponed
Our social worker postponed our home visit to next Monday, Feb 16: she is sick and needs to recover!
On a separate note, here is a video on transracial adoption we found helpful.
On a separate note, here is a video on transracial adoption we found helpful.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Next Step: Homestudy
Tomorrow we take a big step closer to adding to our family through adoption: the home visit.
We started the home study process a couple of weeks ago by contacting a social worker and answering her home study questionnaire. We provided several pages of personal information. You know, all the good information that hackers use to steal your identity: social, birth date, parents' names, address, height, weight, etc. We wrote about other good, personal stuff too. How did your parents discipline you? [Who, me need discipline? Come on. I just wrote about how they disciplined my brother.] What was your childhood like? What is your personality? How would your spouse describe you? Are you healthy? How do you handle disagreements? Is your home safe? What are your goals for your kids? Do you believe in spanking (*gasp!*)?
Tomorrow night, our social worker is coming to our home for an hour or two to see how our family works. We'll get to talk over all of our questionnaire answers in person. I guess it'll be like a college professor pulling you into his office to talk over your test results. We've been prepping for the question, "What is the one thing you wish you could change about your spouse?" We don't want to change our answer to that!
She'll also want to see our house to make sure it's safe. We have all the right
smoke/carbon 
monoxide detectors, outlet covers, and we avoid chemicals for the most part. We also keep it pretty tidy, so there's no need for special cleaning. But I'm interested to see if she has any concerns about our sleeping arrangement. Ben has slept in our bed since he was born, so that we wouldn't have to worry about his safety and we could all get plenty of sleep. Okay, that last part was mostly that Ben and I could get plenty of sleep. Not until this Christmas did Ben have his own "big boy bed", but he still only uses that for naps. My experience is that people either think bed-sharing is great (see research here), or they're horrified by the thought (see NY's campaign). We'll see what our social worker thinks!
She'll put together a report that includes information from our questionnaire, the home visit, referral letters, and doctor's notes. In it, she'll recommend us for adoption--or not. That report will go to our adoption agency and to the judge who will finalize the adoption.
After our home study is complete, we'll apply to A Guardian Angel, the adoption agency we've chosen. And it'll be time to put together our profile, which is like a big scrap book job application for birth mothers to review.
We started the home study process a couple of weeks ago by contacting a social worker and answering her home study questionnaire. We provided several pages of personal information. You know, all the good information that hackers use to steal your identity: social, birth date, parents' names, address, height, weight, etc. We wrote about other good, personal stuff too. How did your parents discipline you? [Who, me need discipline? Come on. I just wrote about how they disciplined my brother.] What was your childhood like? What is your personality? How would your spouse describe you? Are you healthy? How do you handle disagreements? Is your home safe? What are your goals for your kids? Do you believe in spanking (*gasp!*)?
Tomorrow night, our social worker is coming to our home for an hour or two to see how our family works. We'll get to talk over all of our questionnaire answers in person. I guess it'll be like a college professor pulling you into his office to talk over your test results. We've been prepping for the question, "What is the one thing you wish you could change about your spouse?" We don't want to change our answer to that!
She'll also want to see our house to make sure it's safe. We have all the right
smoke/carbon 
monoxide detectors, outlet covers, and we avoid chemicals for the most part. We also keep it pretty tidy, so there's no need for special cleaning. But I'm interested to see if she has any concerns about our sleeping arrangement. Ben has slept in our bed since he was born, so that we wouldn't have to worry about his safety and we could all get plenty of sleep. Okay, that last part was mostly that Ben and I could get plenty of sleep. Not until this Christmas did Ben have his own "big boy bed", but he still only uses that for naps. My experience is that people either think bed-sharing is great (see research here), or they're horrified by the thought (see NY's campaign). We'll see what our social worker thinks!She'll put together a report that includes information from our questionnaire, the home visit, referral letters, and doctor's notes. In it, she'll recommend us for adoption--or not. That report will go to our adoption agency and to the judge who will finalize the adoption.
After our home study is complete, we'll apply to A Guardian Angel, the adoption agency we've chosen. And it'll be time to put together our profile, which is like a big scrap book job application for birth mothers to review.
Friday, February 6, 2009
9 Tips for Families Like Ours
There were only a few days of discouragement about adopting an African American child, so we're now back on track and just excited! Here are a few pointers, in no particular order, that we've picked up from other adoptive families on adopting someone of a different race.
1. Acknowledge the difference. God gave us different skin colors, and they are beautiful! It's natural to want to look the same.
2. Provide role models that look like your child. No one succeeds because of his race. Men of all nations and colors succeed because of who they are and what they do.
3. Spend time with similar families. There's comfort in knowing you're not alone. Thankfully, Utah has a large support group of families that have adopted transracially. With several get-togethers every week, we'll have lots of options for play.
4. Love African American culture. Add African American art, music, history books, and children's books to the home.
5. Look good! Take the time to learn how to care for and do beautiful, black hair. Bonus--go to a black hairstylist!
6. Celebrate the adoption. Praise God as a family for the adoption, not because of what it has done for the child, but because what it has done for the family.
7. Prepare for insult. We'll have to think about this one more, but many advise to talk about how to handle racial insults and racist behavior (as age allows): "It's not true, and it's not funny. You're revealing more about yourself than me!" Also, don't belittle reactions to received racism.
8. Involve the birth mother. To the level that is appropriate for everyone involved. At least save pictures and letters, and learn about her life. At best make her a friend and part of the family, with visits and gifts.
9. Teach the Bible. Okay, I added this one on my own, since I haven't heard one person say anything about how this would help adoptees. Not one! But it seems so obvious. "Child, God created you. And he chose you. Just the way you are. He made our family." Here is the gospel: Jesus died for sinners, that God would make them new, and adopt them to be co-heirs with him in his glory forever. Amen!
Those are our thoughts for now.
1. Acknowledge the difference. God gave us different skin colors, and they are beautiful! It's natural to want to look the same.
2. Provide role models that look like your child. No one succeeds because of his race. Men of all nations and colors succeed because of who they are and what they do.
3. Spend time with similar families. There's comfort in knowing you're not alone. Thankfully, Utah has a large support group of families that have adopted transracially. With several get-togethers every week, we'll have lots of options for play.
4. Love African American culture. Add African American art, music, history books, and children's books to the home.
5. Look good! Take the time to learn how to care for and do beautiful, black hair. Bonus--go to a black hairstylist!
6. Celebrate the adoption. Praise God as a family for the adoption, not because of what it has done for the child, but because what it has done for the family.
7. Prepare for insult. We'll have to think about this one more, but many advise to talk about how to handle racial insults and racist behavior (as age allows): "It's not true, and it's not funny. You're revealing more about yourself than me!" Also, don't belittle reactions to received racism.
8. Involve the birth mother. To the level that is appropriate for everyone involved. At least save pictures and letters, and learn about her life. At best make her a friend and part of the family, with visits and gifts.
9. Teach the Bible. Okay, I added this one on my own, since I haven't heard one person say anything about how this would help adoptees. Not one! But it seems so obvious. "Child, God created you. And he chose you. Just the way you are. He made our family." Here is the gospel: Jesus died for sinners, that God would make them new, and adopt them to be co-heirs with him in his glory forever. Amen!
Those are our thoughts for now.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Results Are In
I finally got around to taking another pregnancy test this morning, to see if my first test was a false negative (or positive, if you count the result from the next day). There was definitely no plus this time. I am not pregnant. No "twins" in the future!
Sorry for the suspense (is she pregnant? is she not?). I wanted to wait long enough to get a good test, and I couldn't believe I was pregnant anyway.
Sorry for the suspense (is she pregnant? is she not?). I wanted to wait long enough to get a good test, and I couldn't believe I was pregnant anyway.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Race Controversies
I love controversies, but this one makes me uncomfortable. Opinions about race and adoption have made us waiver in our hopes to adopt more than anything.
Growing up white in a 99% white community, I haven't had much experience with modern racism. I haven't noticed racism in any of my work locations. And I'm not really around many people other than children who aren't white in Utah, probably the whitest state in the nation. I've had friends that didn't share my European decent, but I didn't consciously notice that the color of their skin, the texture of their hair, or the shape of their eyes was different from most everyone else's.
According to many of the well-educated adoption "experts" and adoptive parents that share their opinions online, my skin color, experience, and environment leave me most under-qualified to parent someone with brown skin. These aren't folks that rant in random forums either:
1. The National Association of Black Social Workers. While they've softened their rhetoric and added some good solutions to racial problems, they've held since 1972 that placing black children in white homes is "racial genocide".
2. Pact, An Adoption Alliance. This is a referral, counseling, and education service for adoptive families, adopted children, and birth parents, especially for children of color. It is very supportive of transracial adoption, as long as it takes place in a diverse community. I've found their articles very informative, even if a little discouraging.
3. Adopted: the Movie. This is a documentary with interviews of parents, adult adoptees, and those who have studied how adoption affects families. I found the clips on YouTube very informative, but Brett found them a little discouraging--the importance of a diverse community comes through here too.
It's easy to come away from this believing those who claim that because I'm white, and I can't fully understand what it's like to be black in America, I would cause deep and avoidable pain in the life of a son or daughter of color. How very intimidating!
But I'm thankful for their opinions, their research, and the ease of sharing their experiences on the internet. I have learned and thought much about transracial adoption issues, and should we adopt a black child, I will continue to do so.
After reflection, I agree with some of what all of these pessimistic folks are saying, and even recommend reading Pact articles and definitely watching Adopted. But not without rejecting the notion that transracial adoption in our situation would not be good for everyone involved. I'll soon share some ways that other transracial families are thriving, right here in Utah. They may be a picture of what our family will look like!
Growing up white in a 99% white community, I haven't had much experience with modern racism. I haven't noticed racism in any of my work locations. And I'm not really around many people other than children who aren't white in Utah, probably the whitest state in the nation. I've had friends that didn't share my European decent, but I didn't consciously notice that the color of their skin, the texture of their hair, or the shape of their eyes was different from most everyone else's.
According to many of the well-educated adoption "experts" and adoptive parents that share their opinions online, my skin color, experience, and environment leave me most under-qualified to parent someone with brown skin. These aren't folks that rant in random forums either:
1. The National Association of Black Social Workers. While they've softened their rhetoric and added some good solutions to racial problems, they've held since 1972 that placing black children in white homes is "racial genocide".
2. Pact, An Adoption Alliance. This is a referral, counseling, and education service for adoptive families, adopted children, and birth parents, especially for children of color. It is very supportive of transracial adoption, as long as it takes place in a diverse community. I've found their articles very informative, even if a little discouraging.
3. Adopted: the Movie. This is a documentary with interviews of parents, adult adoptees, and those who have studied how adoption affects families. I found the clips on YouTube very informative, but Brett found them a little discouraging--the importance of a diverse community comes through here too.
It's easy to come away from this believing those who claim that because I'm white, and I can't fully understand what it's like to be black in America, I would cause deep and avoidable pain in the life of a son or daughter of color. How very intimidating!
But I'm thankful for their opinions, their research, and the ease of sharing their experiences on the internet. I have learned and thought much about transracial adoption issues, and should we adopt a black child, I will continue to do so.
After reflection, I agree with some of what all of these pessimistic folks are saying, and even recommend reading Pact articles and definitely watching Adopted. But not without rejecting the notion that transracial adoption in our situation would not be good for everyone involved. I'll soon share some ways that other transracial families are thriving, right here in Utah. They may be a picture of what our family will look like!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Adoption and Pregnancy
It's odd to think that if we were to adopt this summer or fall, our child would be alive in someone's belly right now. It's certainly not too early to be praying for our next child!
Everyone has friends that struggled to get pregnant...until they started the adoption process. While that's not us, it doesn't hurt to check. (Unless you're a guy that's uncomfortable with "girl talk"; then you might not want to read any further.)
We committed to adoption by calling a social worker for a home study about a week and a half ago. That's also when we started avoiding pregnancy. Technically, I could have already been pregnant. In fact, there was a 6% chance. To know for sure, I'd have to 1) have been paying attention to my signals for a month or so (didn't start until we committed to adoption), 2) take a pregnancy test, or 3) get my blood drawn. Pregnancy tests aren't good until 2 weeks later, but getting my blood drawn all the way up on base is a hassle and I was kinda curious.
So I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and got my first pregnancy test kit (you don't have to spend the money when you're paying attention like in option 1 above). I didn't get the little plus sign though.
Ben found it in the trash today and was running around the house with it. This time, when I picked it up there was a faint plus. Ha! I guess that means I'll definitely have to go back and get another kit in a few days when it actually is supposed to work.
In the meantime, I'll be praying for God to give us a child and for that child, no matter who's belly he might be in.
Everyone has friends that struggled to get pregnant...until they started the adoption process. While that's not us, it doesn't hurt to check. (Unless you're a guy that's uncomfortable with "girl talk"; then you might not want to read any further.)
We committed to adoption by calling a social worker for a home study about a week and a half ago. That's also when we started avoiding pregnancy. Technically, I could have already been pregnant. In fact, there was a 6% chance. To know for sure, I'd have to 1) have been paying attention to my signals for a month or so (didn't start until we committed to adoption), 2) take a pregnancy test, or 3) get my blood drawn. Pregnancy tests aren't good until 2 weeks later, but getting my blood drawn all the way up on base is a hassle and I was kinda curious.
So I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and got my first pregnancy test kit (you don't have to spend the money when you're paying attention like in option 1 above). I didn't get the little plus sign though.
Ben found it in the trash today and was running around the house with it. This time, when I picked it up there was a faint plus. Ha! I guess that means I'll definitely have to go back and get another kit in a few days when it actually is supposed to work.
In the meantime, I'll be praying for God to give us a child and for that child, no matter who's belly he might be in.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Ethical Questions
We had to find answers to the following questions before feeling comfortable with adoption.
1. Are birth moms coerced into giving up their children for adoption? Adoption agencies have a lot to gain from the adoption process! Some birth moms complain when they don't receive the right counseling, but talking with the Utah licensing office helped us eliminate agencies that may have been taking advantage of birth moms.
2. Since Utah agencies fly birth moms to Utah, often for the last several months of pregnancy, does that provide the wrong motivations to birth moms for adoption? Free rent, food, and medical! Birth moms already have access to food stamps, WIC, Medicaid, etc. without the agency. It sounds like some birth moms may still play the entitlement game, but for the most part, birth moms come here to escape abusive relationships, get off of the streets, or find privacy. The agencies also offer welcome accountability in making wise choices for the growing baby.
3. What about the birth fathers? Do they have a say? Adoptive families have been in the news with horror stories of birth fathers trying to take their children. But that could legitimately be a horror story for the birth father too, especially if the pregnancy/birth/adoption was hidden from him. To sort it all out, Utah law gives responsibility for claiming a child squarely on the father: he knows he did the baby-making deed, so he knows there could be a baby. And his relationship to his offspring is protected by law as long as he registers in his state's putative father registry, which he can do with or without pregnancy confirmation.
Finding these answers was relatively stress free for us. Sorting through the transracial adoption controversy was (is!) another story...
1. Are birth moms coerced into giving up their children for adoption? Adoption agencies have a lot to gain from the adoption process! Some birth moms complain when they don't receive the right counseling, but talking with the Utah licensing office helped us eliminate agencies that may have been taking advantage of birth moms.
2. Since Utah agencies fly birth moms to Utah, often for the last several months of pregnancy, does that provide the wrong motivations to birth moms for adoption? Free rent, food, and medical! Birth moms already have access to food stamps, WIC, Medicaid, etc. without the agency. It sounds like some birth moms may still play the entitlement game, but for the most part, birth moms come here to escape abusive relationships, get off of the streets, or find privacy. The agencies also offer welcome accountability in making wise choices for the growing baby.
3. What about the birth fathers? Do they have a say? Adoptive families have been in the news with horror stories of birth fathers trying to take their children. But that could legitimately be a horror story for the birth father too, especially if the pregnancy/birth/adoption was hidden from him. To sort it all out, Utah law gives responsibility for claiming a child squarely on the father: he knows he did the baby-making deed, so he knows there could be a baby. And his relationship to his offspring is protected by law as long as he registers in his state's putative father registry, which he can do with or without pregnancy confirmation.
Finding these answers was relatively stress free for us. Sorting through the transracial adoption controversy was (is!) another story...
Monday, January 26, 2009
We want to adopt. What next?
Deciding you want to adopt is EASY compared to deciding how you want to adopt. There are these big decision matrices available online to help you wade through the decisions: international, domestic, or foster? Things like how much money you can spend, how long you're willing to wait, how much you want to travel and for how long, your age, your marriage history, your adopted child's age, his background, etc. all go into the decision.
I spent a lot of time online trying to figure out which of the dozens of available countries to adopt from. A LOT. But none of them felt right. What kind of engineer makes a decision based on how it feels?!? This is new territory for me. Especially when decision matrices are available. I love decision matrices. But because international adoption didn't "feel right", we decided to pursue domestic adoption.
Don't worry, I still used spreadsheets to help us make the rest of the decision.
This is where the stress of decision making really got to me. Sure we eliminated a bunch of countries, but now we had to choose just one of hundreds of adoption agencies to send our thousands of dollars to. And it's pretty clear on the internet that there are bad agencies out there that will take your money and run. Each state treats adoption a little differently too. It felt like we were trying to find the needle in the haystack!
Thankfully, I think we did find that needle. We looked at the web sites for the agencies in Utah, searched the adoption forums for feedback on our favorites, called the Utah licensing office for complaint history and resolution, and talked with adoptive parents. So many people took time out of their lives to help us! I am still amazed at their generosity. We learned which agencies raised the ethical eyebrow, which had documentation problems, which treated birth mothers well, and which had good customer service. And, oh yeah...we learned which were the most expensive! (Let me know if you want any of this information.) In the end, we decided to go with A Guardian Angel Adoptions. What a relief to choose an agency!
We've hired a social worker for a home study, and we're off! Now we just need to avoid pregnancy unless we want "twins"...
I spent a lot of time online trying to figure out which of the dozens of available countries to adopt from. A LOT. But none of them felt right. What kind of engineer makes a decision based on how it feels?!? This is new territory for me. Especially when decision matrices are available. I love decision matrices. But because international adoption didn't "feel right", we decided to pursue domestic adoption.
Don't worry, I still used spreadsheets to help us make the rest of the decision.
This is where the stress of decision making really got to me. Sure we eliminated a bunch of countries, but now we had to choose just one of hundreds of adoption agencies to send our thousands of dollars to. And it's pretty clear on the internet that there are bad agencies out there that will take your money and run. Each state treats adoption a little differently too. It felt like we were trying to find the needle in the haystack!
Thankfully, I think we did find that needle. We looked at the web sites for the agencies in Utah, searched the adoption forums for feedback on our favorites, called the Utah licensing office for complaint history and resolution, and talked with adoptive parents. So many people took time out of their lives to help us! I am still amazed at their generosity. We learned which agencies raised the ethical eyebrow, which had documentation problems, which treated birth mothers well, and which had good customer service. And, oh yeah...we learned which were the most expensive! (Let me know if you want any of this information.) In the end, we decided to go with A Guardian Angel Adoptions. What a relief to choose an agency!
We've hired a social worker for a home study, and we're off! Now we just need to avoid pregnancy unless we want "twins"...
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Adoption: Our first steps
I can't help but wonder if there will be another face in this picture next Christmas... At least, that's what we're hoping! We're asking God to add another child to our family, but this time through adoption. And if you care to follow along, I'll keep you updated on our progress here.First, why adopt? In college, I talked with my closest friends about how I wanted to adopt a child with Down's Syndrome, so I guess adoption has always been on my mind. If God is concerned for orphans (James 1:27), I should be too. Besides, He even adopted me (Ephesians 1:5)!
While our family isn't ready for special needs adoption, we are obviously open to other adoption. Did you know that more than 40% of America's African American children are aborted? Check it out here & scroll down. How tragic! One way to help is to provide another option--adoption.
And that's what we hope to do. I'll write about what we've done so far in my next post.
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